Heartbroken Muslim Girl..what To Do??? Options

Assalam aleikum,

I am a 21 year old Muslim girl and I would like some advice on a few issues that I am currently facing. Well, basically when I was 19years old I got approached by this quite decent muslim guy who wanted to get married to me however he kept on postponing everything because he had to make sure that his parents were ready to come to my house. He made a lot of promises and commitments to me however at times he was not sure about us. I did fall in love with him badly which also made my belief stronger. I started to pray more frequently and used to read the Quran quite often because of him. So, after 2years (2months ago), he finally came to my house with his parents but for some reason his parents were not convinced with me and my fam because they prefer some girl of their own choice. And, afterwards all what the guy said to me was "I am sorry, move on because I cannot go against my family as I am the eldest". So after that day I am completely completely broken. I really do not know what to do now? I still repsect the guy a lot because thanks to him I got very close to ALLAH and my religion and he learnt me so many good/mature things about life. I am really helpless now because he does not want to stay in touch with me as we do not have a future. And the worst thing is that I am forcing myself to forget him and to move on by talking to other guys, basically I am trying to find him in another guy which is just impossible. So, I really feel bad that I have become like that even though I do not have any bad intentions. Is it right for me to pray to ALLAH that he comes back in my life because I really need him in my life as he had a very good influence on me. What can I pray and do in this difficult situation because I am very hurt/hopeless and helpless.

Daym its sad .. I know I know ..
I've been through alot myself ..
Its ok , you don't have to be heart-broken sister ..
Its life , have Tawwakul on Allah ( SWT ) .
Maybe that special someone of yours is yet to come in your life iA , so you don't get disheartened by such little things .
Pray to Allah ( SWT ) , He'll make it alright and do the same for me too , I'm 17 and goin' through the same .. Trynna fine my destiny .. Trynna find my , my that special someone of my life ..

Daym its sad .. I know I know ..
I've been through alot myself ..
Its ok , you don't have to be heart-broken sister ..
Its life , have Tawwakul on Allah ( SWT ) .
Maybe that special someone of yours is yet to come in your life iA , so you don't get disheartened by such little things .
Pray to Allah ( SWT ) , He'll make it alright and do the same for me too , I'm 17 and goin' through the same .. Trynna fine my destiny .. Trynna find my , my that special someone of my life ..

aww your such a softiii
good advise and hopefully you find the special someone your in search of iA


sis, this is life and alot of things will happen that will get you down and make you want to give up but like my mum always says:
"in life there will be alot of hardships coming your way but when you fall get up again learn from your mistakes and try again"
and this is actually the thing to do make dua to Allah (swt) he WILLL help you get through this
i can totally understand why you'de want to go to other guys in search of finding him in them i get where your coming from
but when you realise what your doing try and abstain from it, actually id say abstain from guys altogether keep buisy in your life with pleasing allah and your parents, that way you wont even have enough time to focus on him or think about him at all
do you have a close relationship with your mum? she might be able to make things easy for you iA

Daym its sad .. I know I know ..
I've been through alot myself ..
Its ok , you don't have to be heart-broken sister ..
Its life , have Tawwakul on Allah ( SWT ) .
Maybe that special someone of yours is yet to come in your life iA , so you don't get disheartened by such little things .
Pray to Allah ( SWT ) , He'll make it alright and do the same for me too , I'm 17 and goin' through the same .. Trynna fine my destiny .. Trynna find my , my that special someone of my life ..

aww your such a softiii
good advise and hopefully you find the special someone your in search of iA


sis, this is life and alot of things will happen that will get you down and make you want to give up but like my mum always says:
"in life there will be alot of hardships coming your way but when you fall get up again learn from your mistakes and try again"
and this is actually the thing to do make dua to Allah (swt) he WILLL help you get through this
i can totally understand why you'de want to go to other guys in search of finding him in them i get where your coming from
but when you realise what your doing try and abstain from it, actually id say abstain from guys altogether keep buisy in your life with pleasing allah and your parents, that way you wont even have enough time to focus on him or think about him at all
do you have a close relationship with your mum? she might be able to make things easy for you iA

Assalamu Alaikum Sai 26:

This is a very sad and difficult situation for you and Inshallah it will get better. So, unfortunately many cultures follow this type of ritual of marrying the girl/boy of the parents' choice. And most men will not go against their parents.

You have to got closer to Allah now. But first you must work through your pain. If not you will end up seeking other guys as you are doing now, and looking for the last one in all the others. This can come at a bigger price and let down, Sis. You should resolve your feelings for this guy and then move on...the correct way...no dating/talking to other guys. Your talks should be for marriage only or you will be following that same road again, Allahu Alim.

Talk with your mom about how you are feeling.
Try to understand why this happened.
Trust in Allah that He will make things easier.
Release the guy, because if he is for you, Allah will return him.
Concentrate on your Islam and make lots of Dhikr-u-allah.
DO NOT FALL INTO THE REBOUND TRAP!! You only end up yearning for that which you cannot have and taking abuse because of it.

Learn to love yourself more and trust that Allah has something better for you, Inshallah. If you truly believe inAllah, you can never be hopeless or helpless. No love should be mightier than that for Allah.

May Allah Ta'ala grant you much peace and closure, Ameen!

if he didn't fight, and just left u then he's not worthy of ur love.. u r better off..

there isn't an easy way to get over a breakup.. u just gota reach to a point of realization where u totally believe he's a loser.. and God will always bring better men ur way

Thanks for your advice people!
I know i should learn from my mistakes, move on and try to focus on other things such as my religion and studies.
It is just getting very difficult for me because I got my exams and it is hard for me to focus. It seems like impossible to me to forget him because i dont really have any bad memories with him; he was a good influence on me...he taught me so many good things about life he changed me as a person..i just cannot forget him...
I used to be crazy about him and now him not being a part of my life has changed me completely i dont feel like doing anything all my interests have gone...kinda feel miserable at times..the person i need the most right now is him but he doesnt want to hear from me
my life changed in a sec for no reason i have never done anything bad to anyone... been loyal to my religion and yet this happened it is absolutely unfair!

Well this looks like a case of Forgetmenot disease.

God can fix your broken heart and you shouldn't be praying because you are in love with a guy that is wrong.

sai 26, may I ask you if you have anyone to talk to or confide in, about your feelings and what you're going through, other than the lads that you talk to for which reason you've stated?

You seem to be going through a tough time and feeling lost. You said that he influenced you positively and taught you things that you care about, in life. So in a particular sense, it is a mercy to have found comfort in somebody like that -- who is able to be such an influence. It is the Mercy of God and if you remember Him, you will find His Mercy the most comforting and the most reliable in influencing your life. It's like a table of different levels - God being at the top, and all else in the world making their way down. We need each other, nobody can be alone in this world, and we also need other things in our lives, but there is also no need to feel despair when we lose these people and things, because we can have so much more and so much better: guidance, trust and wisdom from Allah.

Are you scared to move on despite trying so hard? Are you scared to let go of the memories? Ask yourself. It's possible that whenever you are happy, you miss the ability to share it with someone you valued that much. It's never really easy. It's often the case that you feel sad, angry, hurt and empty when you're a bit lonely. Good memories are not something you should be trying to stop. You'll never forget someone especially if they were with you for a long time, or if they made an impact. We need to smile and realize that those good memories are part of what made us who we are today. Stay close to faith. Through the mercy of Allah you will find so much in store for you in the future. Some patience and some gratitude will enable you to get on with your studies and what not that you have to do in the present -- and remember, there is no hurry to think about or dwell on something nor is there any rush to "get over it". Find your way and do what you can to make it there. It's also important to realize the process of learning through evaluating your past choices and actions. If you need to talk, feel free.

Wa alaykum salaam

P.S: Good advice NOSHADYLADY

This post has been edited by bin't Zayd: May 10 2010, 08:40 PM

hey bin't Zayd...well first of all thanks for helping me out..
umm I do talk to my friends about it..they really feel sad and all they can say is move on forget him he was not worth it etc..also I am very close to my mum so she knows every single thing but the problem is she loves me way too much and cares about me a lot so she cannot actually tolerate the fact that i am hurt and heartbroken, so with her I need to act as if i am fine because i do not want her to be all worried and upset cos of me..

I know it is a part of life and people come and go..but i cannot forget him despite what he has done because he was my source of happiness..i know it is wrong to get too attached to someone but i was for some reason and it is natural when you truly love someone

I am not going to rush into anything...nor am i interested in talking to guys anymore
I just need my time to move on from the past
i dont know if this is right or wrong but for the time being I just want to continue living with my nice memories and I will do this for as long as I can
GOD send him to me and that changed my life completely ..now he cant just take him away for me

The only reason why im finding it terribly difficult without him just because he was worth it..he was a genuinely a nice person and i cant believe that ALLAH would take him away from me

The only reason why im finding it terribly difficult without him just because he was worth it..he was a genuinely a nice person and i cant believe that ALLAH would take him away from me

I wouldn't think of it like that, after all he is the one who gave him to you in the first place And as a few others have said, with all due respect to the guy, a man thats not willing to fight for you isnt really a man at all.

if god is able to give you this dude, he is able to give u an even better dude.

have faith.

and you dont know if god is protecting you from something which might have happened if u were together.

think positive, and at least u have a clearer idea of what having a good partner is meant to feel like.

Rizwan said exactly what I couldn't put into words better myself I will send you a private message later sai 26.

i learn from the best ^

Gooo Binty...gooo binty woooh.

Um ok on topic----

Break his heart...yeah if you want ill give you details on how to tear him apart bit by bit, so he like... comes to his senses.

bin't Zayd thanks for your msg...i just replied!

and yes you do have a point Rizwan...maybe GOD wanted to protect me for some reason

lol and Miss JJ...I do not really want to break his heart actually I wont be able to because he does not talk to me...but yes I do want him to feel bad for what he has done to me and that he just realizes his mistake. It is just unfair that he is absolutely fine and moving on with life while I am the one who is suffering like crazy..or are girls just emotionally weaker than guys?? unfair!!

God will make him pay.. God never forget someone.. he will make sure you are even.. so don't bother thinking of ways to hurt him back.. Allah will do it for you

Girls are stupid & don't break his heart unless you really need to. Seen as though he taught you good things, i spare him his heart. He sounds quite straightforward with things, you should do the same. You say you have learnt good things from him, it won't hurt to learn to move on. But the thing is you feel insecure, because he has left you and you were attatched to him before and this attachment is making you feel withdrawal symptoms...

Girls tend to feel the need to be "friends" with guys after relationships. But this doesn't usually work with some guys. However, you are missing him, which is perfectly normal from your early attatchment i suggest you turn to friends and build up your trust from there. MO is a good idea too, for preoccupation...

Other than that, consider yourself as lucky. I have heard far worse stories, this is a simple matter of insecurity from a broken attatchment. Just leave the attatchment, if you rip a piece of paper it is of no use to you, so you throw it in the bin.

Throw him in the bin.

Throw him in the bin.

love this

Hows it going sai sis?