Shia Sunni Marriages?, can a sunni girl marry a shia boy?? Options

every body.. instead of beating around the bushes i just want to ask my question simply and straight forwardly.. i am pakistani sunni i have met a guy who is indian/irani shia.. i really like him and can see our futures together my parents have spoken to him as he has asked for my hand in marriage, they like him too but don't think it cannot happen due to our religious differences.. lol they don't mind that he is indian.. anywayz.. i have prayed namaz-e-istikhara 4 times, and have had very possitive dreams and have been feeling great after waking up, i told my parents who spoke to our sunni maulana, at first my parents didn't say that the boy was shia and the maulana said that the dreams are mubarak but soon as they said the boy is shia he said.. i'm quoting 'aj kal shia community mei boht saari problems hori hai'.. and said that it's impossible.. i'm really heart broken, its not a crush i honestly believe that we can have a bright future together INSHALLAH.. the boy says he will let me practice my sunni beliefs and he will practice his shia beliefs.. he does do matam but only by hand.. and i believe that all muslims have the right to grief for imam Hussein.. i don't know what to do, my parents say if you ask a shia maulan he will say its ok.. my parents also have many misconceptions about shia's plz don't mind but they think-
* shia wash the dead with milk before burial
*shia walk around without shoes during mauhoram
*shia people spit in their guests food
*shia people HAVE to do blood matams
*shia people don't believe in abu bakar..
plz don't get offended but i don't know what to do.. who to ask.. if i ask a sunni maulana they say its impossible.. but are we not all muslims at the end of the day??
jazakallah..

my parents also have been told by others that shia's believe that the Quran has 20 chapters/paras becuase a goat ate the rest so they only read upto 20 paras.. i don't want to offend any body just want to know whats right..

i completely fail to understand why you would come to an internet forum to ask these questions instead of posing them to ur shia 'fiance'.

do you not trust the answers he would give you? or would u just find it more reassuring to have the answers from other people?

anyway, whatever the case, lets try and answer some of ur questions:

i've never heard of any shia washing dead with milk before burial...there's three ghusls you do on a dead person, water mixed with berry leaves, water mixed with camphor, and then the final one is pure water.

in muharram, it is a time of grief, and you will find some shias on processions marching (juloos) and doing matam in their grief for imam hussain and you might find some people bare foot, but its not compulsory and is just a form of expressing grief.

shia people dont spit in their guests food. u might want to try mcdonalds for that.

shias dont have to do blood matams...shias dont even have to do matam, its not compulory to even grieve for imam husayn, but obviously the love for the ahlul bait is something that shias hold dearly so grieving comes naturally.

and shias dont believe abu bakr was the correct person to take the reigns of leadership after the death of the prophet.

and shias have the exact same quran that sunnis have. there is no difference. shias in general believe in the completeness of the quran (there is one small shia group that dont, but you will most likely never meet them in ur lifetime).

hope that answers ur questions.

in addition, i think its sensible to consider the implications of this relationship on any children that you and your partner have. they might grow up to be confused, unsure which way to go...grandparents on each side will be somewhat in conflict (especially with misconceptions like those above), and it may be just unsettling overall. on the other hand it might give them a greater exposure to islam in general and be a positive effect, but its just something to consider while u make ur decision.

I wonder where do u get these ideas from!!! Some people just annoy me when they think that way about us.. the thing is that they don’t know how cool we are lool.. am not mad at you or anything.. am actually proud u r seeking answers at least.. but GRRRRRRR!! Some people just need to be sensible & read a book once in a while.. and as Rizwan said after the spark of love fade or slow down u’ll start questioning many things.. soooo, talk to him about the kids from now & their belief.. I know it’s early.. but BELIEVE me these small things have a huge effects.. so, talk to him about it.. sometimes even naming your kids would be an issue..
Good luck!!

. Kanyjay

sis dont worry .. we are in the same boat (ish) im a shia and i have married a sunni, i practice my beliefs he does his and we even prayed together on one prayer mat once lol..

anyhow yess i must admit it is hard .. me and my husband love each other very very much however there were these times where we got heated up about sunni and shia and ended up having debates (etc).

The best thing you must do is sort out ur differences coz i know for a fact that when i have my children i am definately taking them with me where i go and they are gonna be 100% shia. you need to speak to each other because ur husband may turn around and say no i want my kids to be shia? what are you going to do?
.. it is a big issue even more so that your marriage is from "outside" i.e. he's not related to you. my husband is my cousin so family values also play a huge part.

as for the beliefs

Truthfully...

shias use water with berry leaves etc as Rizwan mentioned... milk is out of the question. (first time i heard that but used to it now anyway..)

without shoes could be referring to in the mosque or (imambarghah) where shoes are meant to be off anyway. it could be a symbol of grief but not all cultures do that. culture of mourning in iran is different from those of say.. england. they do matam much faster than us etc.

shias follow prophet saww and and his progeny.. they were so great to their guests that imam Ali as used to give all the food to the guest than put out the light and pretend he was eating so the guest i.e. didn't feel uncomfortable and may think that imam Ali as too was eating so they put others b4 themselves . In islam hospitality to guests is a means of forgiveness from Allah. spitting itself may contribute to bring highly unhygenic aswell as pathetic.soshias do not do that full stop.

again as Rizwan said it is not wajib to do matam. Matam itself was a arab's way of mourning i.e. imam Husain (a.s) sister did so. blood is not necessaryor recommended either people just do that

shias know that Abu bakr was a companion and was in the cave with prophet saw at the time of hijrah but don't BELIEVE that he had the right for first caliphate it was hazrat Ali right to leadership.

AS for the Holy Qur'an . it is the most holiest book. never chnages, never tampered with every letter ahs ramained and will always remain the same. There's no two Qur'ans (YA ALLAH what are these people on?)

goat ate the rest? what piffle? whoever made up is soo underestimating the excellence of the holy qur'an! (sorry some of my personal addition lol)

no offence to you Kanyjay. im glad ur asking coz so many people just pass gossip like fire without going to the source so dont feel intimidated its good ur asking

Do you have any more misconceptions just in case you randomly ask your husband something completely made up? ill be pleased to clarify them?!

remember let me know if you need help and make sure you clarify EVERYTHING between him , his family, ur family etc.

oh yeh and about the sunni saying it's impossible ...nah hes only saying it to stop you... thats why all these misconceptions are made to stop people going to the right path.

Guess what... when i had my nikah i was 16 years old and i wanted a shia molana.. so i got a shia molana and my husband (who was in pakistan and it was on the phone by the way..) the molana there was sunni!.

he did that nikah first so my uncles who were also sunni asked my permission and i agreed (thats the sunni nikah done ) then the shia molana came he said do you accept and i was like yeh.. most of my family were sunni but the shia molana said straight away i'll do it!. so it happened it was like two nikahs sorta anyway so it shows it completely possible..

anyhow i hope i helped
take care sis

.

, thank you so much for your reply.. firstly rizwan i'm not engaged... or anything he has only asked for my hand.. yes i have asked him all of these questions and i trust him, i just wanted to know another shia person's point of view.. coz if i ask my sheikh he will always be against it.. i guess seeking some sought or in that case any sought of assistance over the net is pointless yeah rizwan.?. as it will make people like you question my questions.. i really appreciate you replying as your response is exactly what i got from him(lol his name is also rizwan.. so when i saw your post i was like...anywayz) and thanks for your informative response Astaghfirullah.. it really helps when some one shares their experience.. i have no problem with shia's infact i have started researching all realms of islam and i find shia'ism the most beautiful sector, i like my parents and many other sunni's had alot of misconceptions about shia's and had that stereotypical image.. but i have come to understand that its not bad at all.. especially when i found out that matam's are not compulsory.. there are many other ways to grieve and i have no problem with that its just blood matams i really feel awkward towards... and if (insh'Allah.. all Allah does is for the best) we get married and have children i don't think that will be a BIG problem, as we will teach them the shia pillars of Islam as it inclused the 5 that we sunni's follow as well as the additional that shia's follow, i just want my children to be the best they can be and have all the knowledge they need to lead a prosperous life and plan for our aakharat (after life).. anywayz the one thing you have got me worried about is TWO NIKKAHS... do sunni's and shia's do the nikkah differently??????????WHAT???? can you please explain..
thank you both so much for your time and response...
jazakallah

you're welcome. and sorry, reading my post again, i think im coming across a bit rude. i know ur just asking to clear ur misconceptions, but i guess i just wanted to make sure u havent completely bypassed ur potential fiance when asking these questions (seeing as he's the one u might be marrying after all!).

and it's good to know u might be marrying someone with such an awesome name

..I wouldn't recommend it.

The first thing we are meant to look for in partners is the deen remember? Piety? How can you marry this man whos beliefs are different from yours?

It seems like the only thing keeping you together is ''liking each other'' or ''love'' that simply isn't enough, never has been never will be.

can a sunni girl marry a shia boy??

no

Care to explain? ^

Faris I can help with that. My answer is also no not at all.here is that law concerning that matter.

ENGLISH TRANSLATION OF MOULANA ASHRAF ALI THANWI'S BOOK BAHISHTI ZEWAR

HAKIM-UL-UMMAT HAZRAT MOULANA ASHRAF ALI THANWI (Rahmatullahi Alayh)
WAS THE RENOWNED PHILOSOPHER AND SCHOLAR OF ISLAMIC JURISPRUDENCE

The Question of Compatibility or Kufu'

1. The Sharî‘ah has taken great precautions in ensuring that nikâh with an incompatible person or a person of a lower social standing does not take place. In other words, do not perform the nikâh of a girl with a man who is not equal to her in status or who is of no match to her.

2. Compatibility or equality is considered in several factors: (1) lineage, (2) Islam, (3) piety, (4) wealth, (5) profession or occupation.

Equality in being a Muslim

1. Equality in being a Muslim is only considered among the Moghuls, Pathans, and other non-Arab nations. There is no consideration of this among the Shaykhs, Sayyids, ‘Alawis, and Ansâris. A man who accepts Islam and his father was a kâfir cannot be on par or equal to a woman who is a Muslim and her father was also a Muslim. The man who is a Muslim, his father is also a Muslim, but his grandfather was a kâfir; cannot be equal to a woman whose grandfather was also a Muslim.

2. A man whose father and grandfather were Muslims, but his great grandfather was a kâfir will be regarded as equal to a woman whose several forefathers were Muslims. In short, this equality is only considered till the grandfather. Equality beyond the grandfather, such as the great grandfather and beyond him is not considered.

Equality in Piety

Equality in piety means that a man who does not follow the dictates of the Sharî‘ah - who is a wicked person, a scoundrel, an alcoholic, a shameless person - will not be considered to be equal to a pious, chaste and religious woman.

this doesnst look like law...it seems more like guidance.

anyway, is there an islamic basis for differentiating between people who have different amounts of mushrik lineage?

Care to explain? ^

Can a sunni girl marry a shia?
http://askimam.org/fatwa/fatwa.php?askid=a...82bb283c1697e3e

.............................................
CONCLUSION[/color]

[color="black"]In light of all the above, it is apparent that the vast majority of present-day Shia's are not Muslims. If the person in question ascribes to any of these heretic views, nikaah will NOT be permissible with him. (Imdadul Ahkaam 2/213 Maktabah Daul uloom Karachi, Khairul fatawa 1/374 Shirkat printing press, Kifaayatul Mufti 1/289 Darul ishaat, Bahishti zewar kitab an nikah) In fact, the Shia kitabs show that it's not permissible for Shias to marry sunnis, as they regard sunnis as disbelievers. "It is not permissible to marry a sunni because they are Kaafirs" (Tahdhidul Akaam, Manlaa Yahzurulul Faqih 3/258.)

If this person claims to be from the Tafdheelis (The group that are considered as Muslims), then too extreme precaution should be exercised. There is the possibility he will conceal his real beliefs and practice on taqiyyah. (Kifaayatul mufti 1/289-290 Darul ishaat) Also keep in mind the Shia practice of mutah (temporary marriage).

Bear in mind that even though it is permissible to marry the tafdheelis it is highly discouraged. (ibid) Marriage is a lifetime affair; therefore, you exercise extreme precaution.
Whoever gives up something for the sake of Allaah, Allaah will compensate him with something better. We ask Allaah to make you strong and grant you a good life in this world and in the Hereafter.

This post has been edited by Faris al-Mirpuri: Jul 4 2009, 11:51 AM

typical deobandi hot air. when they take a breath from ranting against barelwis, they direct their attention towards shias...it seems they are competing with wahhabis to see who can do more takfir. i cant really say whos winning tho, its too tough to call.

to be fair, some barelwis if im not mistaken also participate, but they're not even in the same league.

u can declare that shias consider sunnis to be kafir, but this is nonsense. ask a shia if his meat comes from a sunni or a shia and he probably wont know because he wont care (i've made this point before but it just makes so much sense i had to make it again).

anyway, im still curious regarding the question i posted above:

is there an islamic basis for differentiating between people who have different amounts of mushrik lineage?

i think no coz like it would cause more tension for ur family and ur future hubby and like what bout when u have kids which side will they stay on in beleif urs or ur hubbys coz it cant be mixed can it ? but on the other hand if u guys really love eachother and see a good future with no complications then go 4 it ! x x x

rizwan

what kind of Muslim are you that you dislike people enjoining the good and forbidding the evil! That fatwa I posted is clear and concise if some has heretical beliefs then there can be no nikah.

Q&A: Is it permissable to marry a shia?

rizwan

what kind of Muslim are you that you dislike people enjoining the good and forbidding the evil! That fatwa I posted is clear and concise if some has heretical beliefs then there can be no nikah.

It is not your job to question others. Be mindful of what you say.

Remember that.

^
its a valid question
how can a Muslim dislike people enjoining the good and forbidding the evil?

Then phrase it differently.