Isn't their an ayah or hadith about this?
"The believing woman won't refuse her husband" or something like that...
Edit: Found it, its another differance in opinion though...
oh, and its hadith.
Question: There is a hadith which I read somewhere that if a man approaches his wife with the intention of sex and the wife refuses, then angels curse that woman till daylight. Does that mean that a wife is never to say no to her husband?
Answer: All directives of the Qur’an and Hadith have common sense exceptions. The hadith which you have quoted pertains to a refusal by the wife without any genuine reason. If she is tired, ill or is not in the proper frame of mind, it is the husband who should adjust to the situation.
The Prophet (sws) has on a number of occasions instructed husbands as guardians of their wives to deal very affectionately with them. This is what he said in his hajj sermon:
Take good care of women, for they are in your trusts and have no control of their selves. You have only taken them as a trust from Allah, and you have been permitted by the words of Allah to have sexual relations with them. (Quoted from Ibn Hisham's Sirah)
A question was asked by Abdul Wahab regarding sex with wife and Dr.Zakir Naik has given a reply to his question. I thought that I should share this discussion and hope people will comment on it.
Does a wife have the right to refuse sex with her husband ?
Q5. If at a particular time, a lady has no desire for sex with her husband, but he insists for it, what is her right of refusal in this context ?
A5. If a husband expresses his desire for sexual intercourse with his wife, and asks her to fulfill his need, then she should fulfill her husband's desire, and she has no right to refuse him or deprive him of his need (unless of course if she is undergoing her monthly menstruation period or is down with illness.
Islam encourages and insists on chastity and fidelity. Islam prohibits and condemn illicit sexual relations, extra-maritial affairs, pre-marriage sex, fornication, adultery, prostitution, pornography and promiscuity. It is for this reason that a wife is bound to fulfill her husband's sexual desires so as to prevent him form straying.
Narrarted Abu Huraira
Allah's Apostle (Pbuh) said, " If a husband calls his wife to his bed (i.e. to have sexual relations) and she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the angels will curse her till morning." (Sahih Al-Bukhari Vol. 4 Hadith No. 460 & Sahih Muslim Vol. 2 Hadith No. 3368)
Narrated Abu Huraira
The Messenger of Allah (swt) said: By him in whose hand is my life, when a man calls his wife to his bed, and she does not respond, the One Who is in the heaven is displeased with her untill he (her husband) is pleased with her. (Sahih Muslim Vol. 2 Hadith No. 3367)
Narrated Taiq ibn Ali
Allah's Messenger (Pbuh) said, " When a man calls his wife to satisfy his desire she must go to him even if she is occupied at the oven." (Al Tirmidhi Hadith No. 1160 & Ibn Ma'jah Hadith No. 4165)
From all the above mentioned Ahadith, it is Wajib upon the wife to fulfill the desire of her husband whenever he wishes. If the relationship between the husband and the wife is truly based on Islamic principles, in which both of them treat each other with love, affection, kindness, fulfilling all Islamic desires and settling all matters with mutual agreement and understanding, the question of the wife refusing the sexual desire of the husband does not arise. Nor does the question arise of the husband being insistent or getting perturbed at her not wanting to have sex.
Allah (swt) says in the Qur'an in Surah Rum, Chapter 30, verse no. 21:
" And among His signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquility with them and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts); verily in that are Signs for those who reflect."
If on certain rare occasions, the husband shows a desire for sexual intercourse with his wife, and for some genuine reason the wife shows a hesitation (not refusal), then it is possible, the husband can be understanding and voluntarily and happily give indication for postponement!
Allah (swt) says in the Qur'an, in Surah Baqara, chapter 2, verse no. 187:
"They (your wives) are your garments. And you are their garments."
Here, because of the strong bond between the husband and the wife, if the husband is not displeased or angry, the angels will not curse his wife and neither will she displease the Almighty. And Allah knows the best.