Assalamu alaikum y'all!
I've been a lurker here for a while, and just wanted some of your opinions or experiences that might shed some insight on my situation. This might be a bit long so bear with me
I'm a new-ish Muslim revert, and he's a born Muslim. We were both born and brought up in the UK. He's south Asian, and I'm not.
We met through mutual friends, and came to a point where we both want to marry each other.
He spoke to his Mum and she basically said she doesn't approve but if this is what he wants then she can't stop him. She said he's living his own life, doesn't have any regard of what she wants when planning his life / marriage.
She is heartbroken and I guess she feels great disappointment and a sense of betrayal from her son... I pray to Allah to look after her, comfort her, give her strength, and soften her heart... I really feel bad for her suffering.
His Mum does not really have a problem with the fact that I'm a revert (I think...), her problems are 1) her son has disobeyed or disregarded her wishes, and 2) our two families don't have much in common culture-wise... both sets of parents speak English, so they would be able to communicate albeit in their 2nd language.
He says he can't get married without his Mum on board, and his happiness in life is derived by the people he cares about so he would rather pass up marriage with someone he loves and is good for him, in order to keep his Mum happy. On the other hand, he loves me, and he truly feels an intercultural/racial family would be very beneficial on the whole.
He needs to make a decision soon. The longer he takes, the more everyone gets tired out from the burden.
If we can get his Mum to come around then he will be more confident in 'us'. Any ideas? I feel like I'm the fighter and he's losing steam and the will the fight.
Would it be a good idea for me to meet his Mum?
I'm thinking we could sit down and have a chat about things, our expectations, worries, and just to get to know each other - maybe through the power of human compassion she'll see that I'm a good girl for the family, and that although our cultures are different we have 2 things in common - love for her son and love for Allah.
I have a feeling that if he fought with a bit more conviction, his Mum will give in and let us be together. However, I need to know whether the relationship between her and her son will mend over time, or whether she will withdraw from him............ anyone had experiences with this? I really can't see how a mother can abandon relationship with her own son due to 'disobedience' so I do believe that she will eventually accept 'us'.... am I being naive in believing this??
Also, it might sound silly but I really want to make our relationship 'legal' in the eyes of God. And I am so frustrated that something such as cultural traditions and fears are creating stumbling blocks for this.
So.... any constructive comments, advice, or shared experiences are much much appreciated. Or maybe you are from a south Asian background and can shed some insight so I can understand his Mum more.
Jazakallah Khair (Thank you and may Allah reward you for your good)