I came across this online and though i would share it...

My husband is an Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature, and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders.

Three years of courtship and now, two years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness.

I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings, I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband, is my complete opposite, his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about love.

One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.

“Why?” he asked, shocked. “I am tired, there are no reasons for everything in the world!” I answered. He kept silent the whole night, seems to be in deep thought with a lighted cigarette at all times. My feeling of disappointment only increased, here was a man who can’t even express his predicament, what else can I hope from him? And finally he asked me:” What can I do to change your mind?”

Somebody said it right, it’s hard to change a person’s personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him. Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered : “Here is the question, if you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind, Let’s say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?” He said :” I will give you your answer tomorrow….” My hopes just sank by listening to his response.

I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes…. My dear, “I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to explain the reasons further..” This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading.

“When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen, I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs. You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you. You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city, I have to save my eyes to show you the way. You always have the cramps whenever your “good friend” approaches every month, I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy.

You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom. You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails, and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand… and tell you the color of flowers, just like the color of the glow on your young face… Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do… I could not pick that flower yet, and die.. ”

My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting… and as I continue on reading… “Now, that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk… I rush to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread….

Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone…

That’s life, and love. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness.

Love shows up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms, it has never been a model, it could be the most dull and boring form.. . flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands… and that’s our life… Love, not words win arguments…

Love it Thanks for sharing sami

Awww. That is so cute!

*shudders* I know not, of this love thing. :|

hehe that was a good read. thanks for sharing

You're welcome ladies, i had to share

Finally a gal story I can relate too

Well, 2 lessons to be learnt. Well as I see it anyway.

1) People dont show love the same way and nor do they love the same way
so
2) Express it often, in ways you can both understand.

Tada.

^I agree.

Who is to say he in the story did not express it? In his own way mind you.

If he did, i dont think she would have felt that way.

Hiya, smartbottom, you didn't read my post properly. She was yearning for him to show love/appreciation the way she wanted hence no.1, he also should have no.2'd more often.

she's a thicko. way too much hollywood romance has infected her mind and raised her expectation of what a good relationship is to some silly unrealistic fairytale.

but through her dumbness we learn a lesson.

he's a clown as well, standing outside with the bread and milk. its completely unrealistic behaviour and only further extends the expectation in women of real love inducing this kind of sissy boy behaviour.

in reality he woulda stormed in with the bread and milk and shouted 'err...whats that smell?'

'umm i dont smell anything...??'

'Exactly...get in the kitchen and start cooking!'

This isn't the joke section Rizwan.

It shows the selfish nature of the woman

and the lack of communication which led to the failure by the man.

man was doing perfectly fine - whatever he was doing was enough for her, being the still and steady warm person.

but she decided to change her mind and expect something different, which the man had never offered in the first place.

is it reasonable for him to expect to provide this new form of demonstration of his love?

lack of communcation was on the woman's part first, for not explaining to him her reason for unhappiness. instead, she just went straight for the divorce button. another symptom of today's culture where if anything is even moderately not going well, instead of working towards a fix, we go for the seemingly easier option of hitting the escape button.

there are many lessons for women to learn from this silly woman in the story.

x2 i agree, even though i am a woman.

No offense, but why is she dumb? I'm on the side of the guy in this situation personally, as I am not a romantic type and I don't care for such things. But that doesn't mean I can't open my mind and care about what another person would feel. When you love/care about somebody, you don't say "hey your way of thinking is dumb and stupid because mine is different so start thinking like me or you're an idiot" you say "there is no right or wrong way to go about this, let's meet somewhere in the middle. I know something is important to you, even though I don't entirely understand, I will do my best to indulge that. And I expect you will show me the same respect because we love each other" At least, that is how two mature adults would handle the situation


But more than that, I get this is supposed to be a joke (at least I'm hoping), but I just consider it stupid and sexist. Why do people think such things are funny? I'm sure you're rolling your eyes now, but do you consider race jokes funny? Forget about that. Do you consider bigoted religious jokes funny? What if someone cracks a joke about how all Muslims are terrorists and such and such stupid crap like that. If someone says to you, what would be your response? So why do you think a woman would feel any different way when you crack such a rude/offensive joke at them? Open your mind a little and try and think from another person's perspective. Honestly, this sort of joke is everything that is wrong with the world, and everything that is wrong with Muslim culture

Expressions of love to a spouse is more than just mere words. It is in actions too.

The everyday actions he did was him showing his love to the woman. She wanted more. She wanted all the goo goo ga ga of a novel romance. She should of stated such fact. Been up front with him on night at dinner and say hey you I need this once romance thing once in a while too..


A man that loves a woman when married will go to provider, protector, and shelterer mode for the woman. Most will do this without complaint. This action is showing his love to her. The most simple things are always overlooked. The woman if she desired flowers nights out etc only had to express this then it would of been known and he could of saved the trouble of holding bread and spoiled milk ( for I bet she left him out there a few hours in the heat )

Dear sister Naz,

I'm sure Rizwan didn't mean it in that way I think its funny because ive come across people who are in the fantasy world and i know where Rizwan is coming from.

Its all about perception, the way people see things. Some see things through rose tinted glasses, others see things for what they really are.

Again, I agree that the whole romance thing is silly. But that's just me. Other people don't think so, so why think it's silly if it's important to someone else? Though I totally agree about being up front about it. People can not read minds. If romance is important to someone, enough that they will be sad without it, they must be straight forward about it!




Sigh.... not everyone woman in the world cares about this or even *wants* this. This is not important to everyone. I don't want a man who will go into "provider, protector, and shelterer mode" for me, because I don't need a provider or a protector. I want a man for his companionship and friendship and love, not because I want a father.

I completely agree 100% that in the story, she should have been un front. There is nothing more frustrating than when a person just assumes their partner knows what they want. It's rather stupid. We are all different with different wants and desires. But as a woman, please know that going into this mode you talk about will not necessarily satisfy your partner and is not the defualt mode that all women want... I've seen a lot of miserable homes because the husband is a workaholic and is just so shocked that their family actually wants their time more than their money. You have to know the person to know what they want in life.

I wasn't commenting on the first part of his post really... yeah even I think the story is silly. Like Juan said, people should be straight forward. If she wanted romance she should have said. I could care less about such things. But, if it's important to someone (a guy or a girl) then a partner that respects them should care enough to make the least bit of effort in that direction.

I was commenting on his last part post, "get in the kitchen and cook something". I'm sorry but these jokes are not funny, and more than race or religion jokes are funny. They are stupid and offensive and I'm tired of hearing them. I would give the same response if someone said a dumb racist comment

It's not so much being in fantasy land than it's the fact that a person doesn't look inwards before looking at the other person. I don't mean fantasy land like fairy tales. I actually like the idea of someone looking at the world with a sense of imagination -- it can bring a lot of joy, and positive change into other people's lives.

What I think the problem is, is that the man may feel abused if he kept on adapting and understanding, having to end up in the same situation over and over again with the lady.

Having said that, the main flaw with the lady appears to be that she considers love as merely an emotion. Understandable, since this is what Disney and the rest of Hollywood have fed us for the last hundred years. The idealized idea of love in culture is based completely off of emotional response. But actual love is an action; it's willingly putting someone else's needs above your own, whether the relationship is romantic, platonic, or familial. Love based solely on emotion can't last. But if the emotion of love is based on a conscious choice made day after day, love can be very real.

At the end of the day, people are made to love. People show it in different ways and respond to it in different ways but everyone wants that attachment and intimacy with another person. It's all based on two people each putting each other above themselves. Reaching this, is not easy, but not impossible either. It just goes without saying that love at first sight isn't real. Admiration, maybe. Attraction, maybe. But love is only real with time.

I don't see it as a partner's duty to make their spouse happy. Happiness is something entirely contingent upon one-self, upon our interpretation of events and our resultant choices. We own how we feel. We see duty as honoring our vows, being faithful spouses, and doing our best for each other. When we want to make our spouse happy, we do so out of choice, and a great sense of willingness. As juan said, if the lady wanted to be romantic, she should have inspired the thought in the guy... be upfront somewhat.

It's not so much that the man and lady's love languages have to match, but that they honor each other's needs. It goes without saying that if neither of them were willing to learn about what the other valued, or could understand each other's POV, the success of their marriage would be less certain.

I agree with Binty! (Y)

"I want a divorce" without even talking about the problem?

I agree with Rizwan, she is stupid.

she is dumb, because she wants a divorce without talking about the problem. she wants a divorce because she's not receiving love in a way which she never used to previously, and never indicated that she wanted either. she's just holding resentment inside towards the man because he is just being himself, even tho previously that is what she liked about him. that is dumb.


there's nothing inherently wrong with romance, thats not my suggestion. its ok to want love in different ways, but she has to express that to him for him to say 'hey, ur way is good too, i'll try that if thats what makes u happy' so i quite agree with you in the sense that two adults who love each other in the right way will attempt to accomodate each other, but they need to communicate accordingly. holding resentment and jumping for a divorce is quite pathetic.

with regard to the joke, perhaps you need to open your mind and take jokes in the way they're intended - as jokes.

if someone says a racist joke, or a terrorist joke to me, i look at their intent. if their intent is to primarily offend or hurt feelings, i'll reprimand them myself. otherwise, im quite open to jokes, whether religious, racist or sexist - jokes are jokes. but maybe that's just me.

Sorry for miscommunicating. I also agree she is dumb in the sense that she would divorce someone without even talking about what her problem was. That's not dumb actually, it's immaturity. And I would feel sorry for any man or woman married to someone of such immaturity.

I meant to say her need for romance wasn't dumb. Again, personally I don't care and maybe you don't, but if you love your partner you would oblige (at least I would). Again, though, a person has to be direct and honest about what they want for any relationship to work.



Hmm... maybe it is just me. Maybe I've just heard enough of it. I didn't think you said the joke to hurt anyone, and I'm sorry if you felt I implied that. You are clearly a good person (from what I've seen on mo at least ) and I don't believe you would say anything to hurt anyone. I think such jokes hurt society as a whole. For example, here in the racist area I live people often spout off jokes with n*gger this or rag*ead that, even people who are just saying it for fun... I find it incredibly ignorant and offensive and it only breeds contempt between different groups. If one of my close friends made a racist comment or joke, I would say something to them the same. You don't have to agree with me obviously, I just wanted to say. I think people often condemn racist, biggoted jokes but don't have a problem with sexist ones and that gets to me. Sorry if I offended

completely agree with you here. wanting or needing at least some degree of romance is quite normal i think, but like with every want and need in a relationship, it needs to be communicated in some way so that the other party can do something about it.

and relax, you havent offended (and even if you had, your intention was never to cause offence anyway), so no need to apologise dude. but notice here that you're just communicating how you feel...if we were in a relationship, i'd now make an effort to steer clear from such jokes (at least in your presence) to keep you happy. awwwww...

I should reiterate how much I agree. There should ALWAYS be communication. People can't read minds right? There's nothing I hate worse than when a person assumes everyone knows what they are thinking and why Any relationship with such people is rather doomed :/



lol I don't know why that emoticon seemed appropriate, it just did

I didn't mean to go off into my own tangent about dudes having bad jinn disease as well as some hormone ridden females.

Ps. Rizwan aren't you engaged?

nah i was but it wasnt gonna work out so called it off.

not quite sure what that has to do with the topic tho!

^ Oh because if you were *really* engaged then you wouldn't be flirting...at least i hope not. >.<

sorry mum

^ Thats right beta, no flirting with girls, k?

I see love as unconditional and not based on appearance, i think that sums it up nicely and this lady wanted more out of her relationship she may have felt like the so called spark had died and there was no life there, all she had to do was discuss it, instead she danced around the problem. Saying in the Shakespearean way "darling, will thou reach thee flower, even if thou dies?" and hes like NO i do this and that for you, be grateful woman! So yeah she has based her romance upon fictional novels, but he could at least make up for lost time and make an effort to spend more time with her only instead of other things.